im having trouble sleeping tonight still. i cant get something off my mind and idk what to do about it. its just like one of those things that hit you after a little. i just still cant believe that it happened.
“When sex becomes a production or performance that is when it loses its value. Be mutual. Be loud. Be clumsy. Make noises, be quiet, and make a mess. Bite, scratch, push, pull, hold, thrust. Remove pressure from the moment. Love the moment. Embrace it. Enjoy your body; enjoy your partners’ body. Produce sweat, be natural, entice your senses, give into pleasure. Bump heads, miss when you kiss, laugh when it happens. Speak words, speak with your body, speak to their soul. Touch their skin, kiss their goose bumps, and play with their hair. Scream, beg, whimper, sigh, let your toes curl, lose yourself. Chase your breath; keep the lights on, watch their eyes when they explode. Forget worrying about extra skin, sizes of parts and things that are meaningless. Save the expectations, take each second as it comes. Smear your make up, mess up your hair, rid your masculinity, and lose your ego. Detonate together, collapse together, and melt into each other.”—(via feinted)
another sleepless night…another night of wishing she was here. i miss her so bad. i feel like such a mess without her….she always said i was her rock but she never knew that she was just as much my rock as i am hers. i feel so useless and pathetic without her. all night i have been just looking at old messages and texts and blogs about her i cant stop missing her. i just wish she came back so bad. i love her so much. i need her so badly.
its so hard because i am stuck i cant get over her no matter how hard i try. i cant get her off my mind. every single feels like an eternity without her. i miss every single thing about her. i miss the way she would come home from a long day and just crawl into bed and when i would rub her back she would just tense up and let all of the stress go away for that moment it was bliss and happiness. this is killing me inside, all i ever do now is when i get home i get into bed and hold nigh nigh as if it were never going to be here again. i have to give her the space she needs but it just feels impossible. its like she needs me to let her go so she can find herself and find what she is looking for. i think about all of the time we have spent together. there are so many unforgettable moments with her that i will cherish my whole life. she has changed my life and has made me a better person in every single aspect of it. this is tough..i just hope that everything will get better soon.
i just wish everything was better again. im having such a hard time with this break. i dont know why, i know lins is coming back i mean i think so. she says she will be back…but she makes it sound like in the future and i dont know how far in the future. when i get to see her it doesnt hurt it like gives me more confidence and more motivated. this break is so hard like i still love her so much and i still care about her i just like get bored at work and think like hmm maybe i should call her and see if she wants to get dinner or something but thats not what would be best i dont think. i think she needs her space and not to worry about me but i just make her by freaking out like everyday. im just terrified of losing her. im terrified of losing my bestfriend and the girl that i have fallen, and still head over heels in love with will just disappear. you never realize how much someone can impact ur life. i love you baby. hopefully everything smooths out soon.
this house is terrible. everything is falling apart right now. nothing feels like the “safe” way to go in life. school seems like the obvious way but how can i keep paying for school and bills by myself
its like i dont have a real family..the one i had is on a break. i try to take time to myself for once in my life so that i could be happy and enjoy things and yet im made to be the bad guy…the fuck up.. that its all my fault..the divorce everything.
i wish this was just all over. i wish i didnt hurt so much. i wish i could just be the 20 year old that im suppose to be and not worry about all this stuff. im going to have to say goodbye to my puppy soon..thats going to be really hard..hes one of the reasons i come home from work. well i need to cook and watch the puppy so i have to end it here. cya…to whoever reads these.
im so grateful that linsey came over today i really needed that. especially on a day like this when it is suppose to be a family day and u dont have an family to spend it with. i love you lins thank you.